Whats in a name??

Two things have happened so far this morning:

1) I woke up with a PANIC attack, which I have not had in at least 3 weeks or since the Paxil took effect. (Personally I believe it was from taking Sleep Eze last night which, pardon the pun, did not help me sleep easy)

2) I decided without a doubt to change my real name to my pseudonym Pixie. My regular name is soo boring, and I think I need to change my name to leave some of my past behind. My husband says I am always thinking up crazy ideas and need a reality check. I don’t think he would like me if I lived full time in reality. I am thinking I will do it for my 30th birthday, which is coming up.

I have also thought about my many obsession/compulsions (as a part of my ongoing OCD treatment), when you think about the list it is pretty funny

Obsession: Fire ripping through the house, and killing everyone

Compulsion: triple check all lights are off, plugs are unplugged, appliances and electronics of off and all my plethora of smoke detectors are in working order…every night.

Obsession: Rodents in the house- most commonly MICE

Compulsion: to obsess over every food crumb, make sure every hole is plugged and make sure the cat accompanies me to the basement.

Obsession: Somebody shooting me through our living room window (only at night though)

Compulsion: to make sure all curtains, blinds etc are closed prior to dark every night

Obsession: The front door being left open

Complusion: to quadruple check the lock on the door every time I leave and go to bed, which has resulted in a lock that does not work right (defeats the purpose huh?)

Obession: that the kids are going to get a life threatening illness and die, if I don’t immediately treat and ailment they may have.

Compulsion: to search up all of their symptoms on the internet, have a drugstore in my bathroom and call the doctor every time they sneeze.

Obsession: I am going to die from a life threatening illness if I dont seek help immediately when something (anything) is bothering me. (most commonly Heart Attack)

Compulsion: see above internet and drugstore reference. As well I pay quite a few visits to the emergency room in any given year. They have come to know by my first name in the local hospital. The have the EKG machine and a bed waiting for me and do not need to triage me. OF COURSE I AM HAVING A HEART ATTACK!!!

There are more but the list wouldn’t fit on this page. It’s funny what you realize when you are forced to look at yourself from a third person view. I will keep you updated on the name thing. My hubby is not winning this one!!